WHO CAN I SHARE MY BROKENNESS & PAIN--THE WHOLE TRUTH--WITH?

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and I haven’t written anything on my blog for months. I have been struggling with whether to remain vague or share my truth.  I know that I have come to a dangerous place…a dangerous place of telling the whole truth.  I KNOW THAT WHOLE HEALING REQUIRES SPEAKING THE WHOLE TRUTH.

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Why We Stayed is Always Complicated...

I was really young but I remember thinking, "That's it? A piece of gum?!" I guess I'll never know if he didn't want to see me or he wasn't allowed to. My mom divorced him before I was a year old. I know that experience was a major part of the decision I made as a woman to stay in an abusive relationship. I just never wanted my children to experience how it would feel to watch their dad turn on his heel and walk away. 

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Here's How Mary J. Blige Changed My Life...

“I wanted to find real love. But it was a far-fetched dream because of all the dream-smashing going on around me. I couldn’t even love myself.” – Mary J. Blige

 

Mary J. Blige spoke for a few minutes and I suddenly understood in a way I never had the secondhand effects of Domestic Abuse.

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What It's Like to Be Free...

It's still a weird day for so many reasons...it's the third anniversary of my divorce and it brings up questions but it also brings up resolve and even joy...The questions are all retrospective and deep.  Why did I stay so long?!  What were the things in my childhood that lead to me being a "fixer," an empath, the one whose responsibility it was to make everything seem fine when it was really all very wrong?  How does being unloved and not knowing what true, unconditional, healthy love looks and feels like, set you up to choose a mate who also won't be capable of loving you and, more importantly, not harming you?

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What's So Funny About Domestic Violence?

Oh yeah...NOTHING! #DV destroys the lives of children who witness it.  They are highly likely to have psychological problems--including #PTSD, lower IQ scores, difficulty learning, and premature aging.  Statistics show they are physically abused or seriously neglected at a rate 1500% higher than the national average...

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AFTERMATH...IT'S JUST A SEASON!

If you are currently in an abusive marriage and wondering what is worse; what you face if you stay or the aftermath you face if you leave, let me assure you staying is worse. Aftermath is not further pain or a sign that you will never be totally free of your abuser because he is gone but still adversely affecting your life. To the contrary, aftermath is a process...a healing process that you must face and go through to get to the other side of it. What is on the other side of the aftermath? Healing, peace, strength, increased faith, and a new life.

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The Trauma Bonding of Abuse...

If you have experienced abuse from a parent AND abuse from your husband or significant other, you have experienced trauma in the two of the most important bonding relationships a human being is meant to experience. 

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I JUST DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY HE IS DOING THIS!...

If you have been a good, faithful wife and mother--if you have self-assessed and self-assessed some more, if you have been pleading to go to counseling to save your marriage and family and your husband has refused to acknowledge the problems; or worse, your request to go for help is met with another verbal or physical attack, you are in danger.  Things are not going to change!  You cannot look at your husband any further as a reasonable man. 

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THE BURDEN OF FORGIVENESS...

Praying for healing to those who have been harmed emotionally and/or physically that you will experience healing (which takes time); and will be able to experience the ability to move on in freedom by giving your situation to God for justice--recognizing He is the perfect Judge.

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OVERWHELMED? IS FEAR KEEPING YOU IMMOBILE?

Believe that even when you see NO WAY OUT...when all you see is the Sea (of your problem(s) stretched before you and no way through...He has told you to keep walking in faith.  SO, STEP INTO YOUR RED SEA (the insurmountable problem He has told you to walk up to) and FACE IT. BELIEVE He will do whatever He has to do (including the miraculous and unexplainable) to provide you a safe and dry path right through the sea of your problems.

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