Why We Stayed is Always Complicated...

I still remember that day this many years later. I was outside riding my tricycle as fast as my little unsupervised legs would go when he walked up to me. I didn't know him--but somehow at the same time I did.

He had beautiful bright blue eyes and a smile that made him look a little mischievous. His pants broke over his shoes just so. He bent down and said, "You don't know who I am do you? I'm your daddy." He took out a piece of Doublemint gum and handed it to me and then he turned on his heel and walked away.

I was really young but I remember thinking, "That's it? A piece of gum?!" I guess I'll never know if he didn't want to see me or he wasn't allowed to. My mom divorced him before I was a year old. I know that experience was a major part of the decision I made as a woman to stay in an abusive relationship. I just never wanted my children to experience how it would feel to watch their dad turn on his heel and walk away. It happened anyway.  You can only 'make' someone act right for so long. You can only cover for him and try to keep the peace by walking on eggshells for so long before it all crashes and burns.  That's just the way it is.  A person with these issues doesn't appreciate you sticking with him and praying for him and trying to keep the family together.  His disrespect for you grows with time.  Because he doesn't love and doesn't understand love, he sees your love for him as dependency or weakness.  

It turns out it's not good for your soul, your psyche, your emotions, or your physical health to stay with an abuser.  If that is the kind of relationship you are in, you will be told to go to marital counseling but he (an abuser) will not go.

Go to counseling by yourself for yourself. You will find the healing and strength you need to leave when you face the truth of your situation and reach out for help.