I know how badly you are hurting and I know that part of the hard time you are having is with everyone saying to you (over and over again) that you have to forgive your abuser (7 x 70); that you must show mercy and grace, that you must not break your marriage covenant, etc.  They want you to just forgive your abusive husband and go back to “the way things were.”  So does he!

There is much in our Bible about forgiveness.  Should you forgive someone even if they don’t ask for it?  Yes--because that sets you free.  You won’t be carrying hatred in your heart towards that person; instead, you will release them to God (the ultimate Judge) and the only one capable of truly knowing our hearts. 

We have so many instances of forgiveness shown in the Bible.  We only talk about a few in most sermons—those we have decided to embrace. 

Jesus came to bring mercy, grace, love, compassion and forgiveness but there is always a “when/then” requirement.  When you repent, He then forgives as far as the East is from the West. 

When Jesus hung on the cross to pay for our sins, one thief acknowledged his guilt and who Jesus was.  The repentant thief’s belief and sorrow allowed Jesus to forgive him and tell him he would be in Paradise that very day.

Even in Revelation, justice and avengement is shown to the unrepentant…there is NOT blanket forgiveness given to the unrepentant. 

The Bible does not require that you forgive an unrepentant spouse’s empty sorries or requests for forgiveness, thereby allowing yourself to remain in a dysfunctional, toxic situation.  The very definition of Repentance states that it requires change evidenced by one turning from his wicked ways.  We ARE to forgive our brother in Christ when he repents (changes his wicked ways) and asks for our forgiveness.   

Last, but certainly not least, you must take the necessary “no contact” time to let your heart and soul heal.  HOWEVER long that takes you is okay! 

You have to know the have to know the Word for yourself.  You have to know in your heart that when someone says to you, “You have to forgive as you have been forgiven,” you are doing just that.  I don’t know about you, but when I was forgiven, it involved being truly sorry and crying out to Jesus in true repentance and CHANGING MY WAYS!  That is our Biblical model of repentance.  You are to forgive your husband as Jesus forgave you…when you came to Him in love and sorrow and repentance and the willingness to change your heart, soul, mind and behavior.  

Praying for healing to those who have been harmed emotionally and/or physically that you will experience healing (which takes time); and will be able to experience the ability to move on in freedom by giving your situation to God for justice--recognizing He is the perfect Judge.