You Are “Letting Go and Letting God”…perhaps for the first time in your life. Everything in you is screaming, “Don’t quit; don’t throw in the towel.” You feel like a failure. In truth, you were the one trying to save your marriage--single-handedly. Abusive, narcissistic men purposely choose women who are strong, who won’t easily quit, who are idealistic; women who are encouragers, nurturers, fixers. You are a great woman to have on a team as you are determined to make sure everyone makes it successfully to the finish line. But you cannot make a man be right in his soul and his heart toward you, your marriage, and your family.
I know there’s that verse in 1 Peter 3:1 that keeps you hanging in there: ‘In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they MAY be won without a word by the behavior of their wives.’ The Bible is true, of course, however, I think we ignore that word ‘may’. Your husband may watch your behavior and change his heart and life. He also may watch your behavior, sit under good teaching in a Spirit-filled church, profess to be a Christian and not have ANY heart change or exhibit ANY fruit of the Spirit.
We disregard the concept of free will to our detriment. You cannot be right FOR your husband. You can pray that he will experience conviction and heart change and that your lives will change. If your husband does not change and he is dangerous mentally, emotionally and physically to you and your children, you are not quitting if you leave, you are exhibiting wisdom.