STOP Walking on Eggshells. Crush the No. 1 Eggshell of Your Abusive Relationship Under Your Heels! If your husband is abusive, I can guarantee you are walking on eggshells in your home, trying desperately to maintain peace. The No. 1 Eggshell you need to crush right now under your stiletto or combat boot (depending on your personal style) is the Financial Eggshell. A major factor in an abuser maintaining power and control over his victim is financial abuse. If you don't have any money of your own...you won't have any options...and he knows it.
You need to know how much is earned (even if your husband is the only wage earner in the home.) You are a team. You are the two who married and became one. You have a right to know your finances no matter what he tells you to the contrary. You need to know what the monthly and annual expenses of running your household are. You need to know all banking information.
If your husband, or both of you together, do not earn enough to adequately support the basic needs of your family (housing, utilities, transportation, food and health insurance,) you need to know what the shortfall is. He needs to be willing to create a budget and a plan that includes you going to work if necessary to address the shortfall. Your abuser will not want you to go to work or have any money of your own! You must insist!
If your husband singly or the two of you earn more than enough to pay your basic expenses, you need to know about and be part of the decisions regarding investments and savings. Do not walk gingerly on the financial eggshell, trying to keep the “peace.” Crush it, open it, and see what’s inside.
I know he has most likely been threatening that he will withdraw his financial support and leave you with nothing and nowhere to go. He maintains control by bullying and disregarding you as an equal partner. Demand to know what your financial status is. Demand proof that you are on the accounts as joint owner and beneficiary. If your husband gets mad or “flips out” (which prevents many of you from asking these critical questions,) call the police. You have a right to ask your husband about the financial status of your home and family without being yelled and cursed at, threatened, or worse, physically attacked. Crush the Financial Eggshell! End Financial Abuse!