The Other Woman IS an Adulterous Harlot…even if he marries her…even if he wants you and your children to “respect” her…even if all your “friends” decide to embrace them as a couple. I realize this is a controversial thing to say, but someone needs to say it. You may be feeling like you’re crazy or think you are the only one who has ever felt like you are feeling. You don’t want to be friendly…you don’t even want to be civil to the other woman. The idea that you should have to be friendly and drop off your children to the “other woman” who knowingly committed adultery with your husband and destroyed your marriage, your family, and your life, is a construct of our court system and our society which bends over backwards not to offend.
Everyone else may, but you will never see me remain friends with a man who has cheated on his wife, and destroyed their marriage and family. I’ve seen many decide to remain friends with the husband who has now made the “other woman” his wife (so now they are legitimate, right?) No, no…a thousand times, No! The Word says clearly in Matthew 19:9, “I can guarantee that whoever divorces his wife for any reason other than her unfaithfulness is committing adultery if he marries another woman." If he has committed adultery with her and then marries her, he continues to practice adultery--nothing is legitimized by their marriage.
You have to remember your place is not to turn your children against their father. Your place is to continue to lovingly train them up in the way that they should go. As part of that, depending on their ages, you may need to have the conversation that you love their father but he has made inappropriate choices and is now living in a way you cannot personally endorse. While the court may force visitation, and your children may have to go, you do not have to make them believe you are in support of your husband’s actions. The best policy is to be truthful with as few details as possible. They will need to visit if ordered to and be respectful to their father. They will have to work through feelings of how to give respect to someone they don’t feel is respectable (especially with teens in this situation).
You will have to guide them so they understand even people we love make mistakes and choose sin. Let them know we don’t have to stop loving the person—instead we pray for them and speak the truth in love. Obey the law. Follow the visitation set forth by Court order. Hold your head high. It is not required of you that you celebrate their "marriage."