What??! If you know me, you probably did a double take when you saw this title. Wait—you have brokenness and pain? If I did, would you really “walk with the broken?” It’s a nice, feel-good meme but do you live it out? I have heard many friends say things like, “I don’t want to hear anyone’s drama,” “I don’t do well with emotions or crying.” “I don’t like weak women.” I’m guilty too. One of my favorite sayings is “Suck it up cupcake.” I don’t like being, seeming, sounding, feeling, or looking weak. I don’t like being, seeming, sounding, feeling, or looking stupid.
I have never talked about all I’ve been through in my life to anyone. I have believed although they ask, people don’t really want to hear how you are. They want to see a smile and hear, “Fine.” I don’t want to be perceived as a victim. I want to be seen as a strong woman. I don’t want all the women I’ve heard say, “I wish someone would hit me. He’d be dead!” or the women I’ve heard say, “Why does she stay and put up with that? I’d be gone the first day,” or worse, the women who say, “She must like that!” to say those things about me. I don’t want people to think less of me for marrying someone who seemed perfect and turned out to be a nightmare. I don’t want people to think less of me for staying when I found out who he really was because I focused on what religion said rather than what God would have said to me if I had only asked Him sooner instead of continuing to stay and pray for my husband to change. I don’t want people to think less of me because of my childhood. The circumstances I was born into and lived in are not me.
I have been almost sure the things I have experienced have been things that really ARE too awful to speak of…so I don’t. Yet, I see the healing that begins to happen…the light of understanding that floods in when someone speaks her truth to me and I am able to tell her what God would say to her. I know that when I talk to a woman one-on-one and share openly with her, she is able to more freely share her story. She knows (sometimes all of a sudden) that she is NOT THE ONLY ONE who has ever experienced such things. Most importantly, she now knows someone whose story might even be worse than hers who is FREE. She hears that someone else faced her most dreadful fears--judgment from others, how to leave safely, how divorce would affect her children, financial devastation--and is still standing.
I haven’t written anything on my blog for months. I have been struggling with whether to remain vague or share my truth. I know that I have come to a dangerous place…a dangerous place of telling the whole truth. I KNOW THAT WHOLE HEALING REQUIRES SPEAKING THE WHOLE TRUTH.
I pray sharing my whole truth will allow you to face your whole truth, tell your whole truth, and get healing for your whole truth. I pray that you women who are struggling in an abusive marriage will not listen to anyone who tells you to stay and continue to pray for your husband.
Domestic Violence is NOT included under the sub-heading “for better or worse.” God does not require you to stay in a situation where you and your children are being harmed. If you don’t believe me, just ask Him. Don’t pray for what YOU would have GOD do in your situation. Pray, “What would You have me to do?” Pray that! The truth will set us free—the whole truth.