If you have been a good, faithful wife and mother--if you have self-assessed and self-assessed some more, if you have been pleading to go to counseling to save your marriage and family and your husband has refused to acknowledge the problems; or worse, your request to go for help is met with another verbal or physical attack, you are in danger.  Things are not going to change!  You cannot look at your husband any further as a reasonable man. 

Praying for healing to those who have been harmed emotionally and/or physically that you will experience healing (which takes time); and will be able to experience the ability to move on in freedom by giving your situation to God for justice--recognizing He is the perfect Judge.

Believe that even when you see NO WAY OUT...when all you see is the Sea (of your problem(s) stretched before you and no way through...He has told you to keep walking in faith.  SO, STEP INTO YOUR RED SEA (the insurmountable problem He has told you to walk up to) and FACE IT. BELIEVE He will do whatever He has to do (including the miraculous and unexplainable) to provide you a safe and dry path right through the sea of your problems.

You must understand that God is bigger than your circumstances.  You don’t have the money to leave? God knows and He will provide!  You don’t know where you will live if you leave?  God does; and once you step out in faith, you will find out. Exercise your mustard seed faith.  God rewards it!  You will see your way of escape once you take that first step.  That first step is you embarking on a different path--your path to freedom.

The truth is if he won’t participate in the work that needs to be done to save your marriage by going to counseling; there will not be any positive change and he has no commitment to your marriage or partnership.  That is probably blatantly evident in other areas like infidelity, lack of financial support, and continued abuse.

We disregard the concept of free will to our detriment...You can pray that he will experience conviction and heart change and that your lives will change.  If your husband does not change and he is dangerous mentally, emotionally and physically to you and your children, you are not quitting if you leave, you are exhibiting wisdom.

"In fact, a controlling abuser WANTS TO MAKE SURE there is not enough money for you to leave…He knows his behavior is out of control.  He knows if you had the financial wherewithal to leave him, you would.  This is why he will not let you go to work."

Because domestic abuse is pervasive in our society, pastors MUST accept the call from God to educate themselves and their congregations on this "secret sin."   Pastors MUST provide protection and shepherding to the sheep they are called to shepherd.   Acts 20:28, The Message version reads:  “Now it’s up to you. Be on your toes—both for yourselves and your congregation of sheep. The Holy Spirit has put you in charge of these people—God’s people they are—to guard and protect them. God himself thought they were worth dying for.

ANY behavior that is scary or hurts you; ANY behavior that is physically intimidating, REQUIRES a call to law enforcement.   You MUST document the abuse.

Discernment is our spiritual perception (without judgment) to give us spiritual direction and understanding.  We ARE spirit-controlled beings—good or bad.  You must, therefore, test your husband’s spirit, so that you will know what you are dealing with and how to safely proceed. 

Sometimes the sadness is permeating.  There is no way to explain the feeling to someone that hasn’t experienced this level of sadness--it is a penetrating, all-encompassing sadness.  You are going to feel that.  You are going to be sad.  The person who said they would love you forever, probably never loved you.