The truth is if he won’t participate in the work that needs to be done to save your marriage by going to counseling; there will not be any positive change and he has no commitment to your marriage or partnership.  That is probably blatantly evident in other areas like infidelity, lack of financial support, and continued abuse.

We disregard the concept of free will to our detriment...You can pray that he will experience conviction and heart change and that your lives will change.  If your husband does not change and he is dangerous mentally, emotionally and physically to you and your children, you are not quitting if you leave, you are exhibiting wisdom.

"In fact, a controlling abuser WANTS TO MAKE SURE there is not enough money for you to leave…He knows his behavior is out of control.  He knows if you had the financial wherewithal to leave him, you would.  This is why he will not let you go to work."

Because domestic abuse is pervasive in our society, pastors MUST accept the call from God to educate themselves and their congregations on this "secret sin."   Pastors MUST provide protection and shepherding to the sheep they are called to shepherd.   Acts 20:28, The Message version reads:  “Now it’s up to you. Be on your toes—both for yourselves and your congregation of sheep. The Holy Spirit has put you in charge of these people—God’s people they are—to guard and protect them. God himself thought they were worth dying for.

ANY behavior that is scary or hurts you; ANY behavior that is physically intimidating, REQUIRES a call to law enforcement.   You MUST document the abuse.

Discernment is our spiritual perception (without judgment) to give us spiritual direction and understanding.  We ARE spirit-controlled beings—good or bad.  You must, therefore, test your husband’s spirit, so that you will know what you are dealing with and how to safely proceed. 

Sometimes the sadness is permeating.  There is no way to explain the feeling to someone that hasn’t experienced this level of sadness--it is a penetrating, all-encompassing sadness.  You are going to feel that.  You are going to be sad.  The person who said they would love you forever, probably never loved you. 

She is scared—how can she be sure you are trustworthy and she didn’t make a grave error by sharing her situation with you?  She has had no power and control over her life and the lives of her children.  Let her have some control as to how, when, or if she leaves.

If he will not get help for his abusive behavior—emotional, verbal and physical; he will have to leave so that YOUR children (even if they are his biologically) can feel safe and happy in their own home.  This is of the utmost importance.  Your children deserve a happy childhood and a happy home.  

Dearest Naghmeh, my Sister in Christ, I BELIEVE YOU, I SUPPORT YOU, I LOVE YOU…and I am here to tell you JESUS LOVES YOU…I AM ALSO HERE TO APOLOGIZE for our uniformed, judgmental Christian brothers and most shockingly, sisters.  Our people are woefully uninformed about domestic violence.  

I feel the need to address Franklin Graham’s response which is both disappointing and harmful to women of faith in abusive marriages. 

His response epitomizes the lack of Pastoral knowledge regarding the VERY DIFFERENT dynamics of an abusive marriage which require a VERY DIFFERENT Pastoral response.